Saturday, June 25, 2016

A Spider Bites

I had one of those dreams last night. It was a ferocious one, and something I had not experienced in a long time. The details, as they usually are with these ephemeral lives lived, have since evaporated. but the emotional scars remain, and that alone is worth talking about.



There I was, being hunted, somehow considered a traitor by my fellow citizens. How or why I cannot recall—my words of wisdom were drowned out by others' yelling—but the insidious feeling that enveloped me, like an acidic grip around my heart I can still remember.

I do believe that things had so fallen apart that there was a full-blown insurgency in our country. There was also a gun battle which, I think, we had just won. The air was still electric as I leaned up against some barrier with my hands. Out crawled a spider and bit my hand—ravenously. I tried to throw it off, smash it, and I managed to do so.

But the sting throbbed through my hand, and I woke up, trying my hardest to shake off the spider. It was gone. Or perhaps never there. And yet there I was, awake, and the pain of the sting still remained. Strong. I looked at between my thumb and forefinger, where the pain was focused, looking for a bite mark. I even used my phone light, certain that I had been victim to a real bite. But nothing. I looked throw the bedsheets for a spider, or a sharp object, but there was still nothing. My SO stirred, and so I turned off my phone light.

Oh the tricks the mind plays on you. And of all those tricks, this one seemed like an especially harsh one, as well as one I hadn't experienced in many years.

Except now that I'm older—the shadow of youth's expected invincibility long gone, the fossilization of my neurons a fact of life [1]—this experience seemed to breathe life into me.

It took a few minutes for the pain to die down. I rolled over, checked for spiders one more time and fell asleep.


[1]It's a mind I've gotten used to, one which enjoys rituals and can't absorb as much as it once could. It also means that I have to be wary of becoming like so many other adults I know: the ones who won't change their minds or their beliefs, no matter the evidence.


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